Greatest American Dog

The final challenge of "Greatest American Dog" was supposed to be a real nail-biter, full of tension and suspense. I was bored. I watch for the dogs and there were only three left: Galaxy, Presley and Andrew with their respective people JD, Travis and Lori.

Before any of the competitions start we see JD and Travis playing with their dogs and Lori washing Andrew. “God made you a little white dog. I didn’t,” she consoled him. He seems to take a bath about once a week, but with a longhaired Maltese... well, you’ve got to factor grooming time into your schedule. Not quite the same with a Boxer.



It was announced to the contestants and their people that there would be two Best in Show competitions, (those are the ones where a team gets eliminated) and thus at the end of the show, we’d have The Greatest American Dog.



The first Best in Show challenge was actually mostly an oral exam, (so again, me bored, and the dogs, not so much with the doing). They talked to JD about his training methods, telling him, “You can have a good dog without using aversive training methods." JD was honestly offended, and he had a right to be. While he’s very clear and uses a deep voice to make his point with his dog, we have never seen anything that would lead me to believe that Galaxy is afraid of JD or that she’s not bonded to him. He plays with her. He pets her. He trains her. She gives it all she’s got every time for him, but because she loves him. He’s not a warm fuzzy guy, but that hardly seems a reason to fault an excellent dog trainer who is bonded with his dog.



Their concern when they talked to Lori was that Andrew was too attached to her. Their question, “If you were to die or disappear, what would happen to Andrew?” Lori is married. So my guess, Andrew would live in the same house with the same family and miss Lori the way dogs miss the person they’ve bonded closest to. He’d do all this while bonding more solidly with the other members of the household. I want to say, though, that it’s a horrible thing to ask. “What happens to your loved ones when you die?” Um... @I&* off. Lori’s answer was more appropriate: “Andrew would be fine.”

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 110 (Finale)"

I always thought that loyalty was a defining canine characteristic. Well, of Boy Scouts, too, but this isn’t Greatest American Boy Scout, so we’ll discus the final four dogs and this week’s competition.

First though, and more important to me, is Galaxy’s health. She was limping after the “stunt dog” elimination competition last week, and watching JD carry her into the house was heartbreaking. The next morning she bounded out of bed and didn’t seem to remember limping. JD took her to the vet anyway, and after x-rays and tests she was deemed to have “the joints of a two year old” (she’s 9) and to be in great shape with no reason to be held back from the upcoming activities.

All the housemates were relieved. They’re competing, but at heart, they’re dog people.

The Dog Bone Challenge was elegant in its simplicity. The dog sits or stands on a tree stump. The person stands about five feet away on a matching stump. The first dog to lie down or get off the stump loses.



Andrew was gone first because while he was happy to stay within Lori’s line of vision all day long, he wasn’t going to sit that whole time. He lay down.



Galaxy was next. She agreed with Andrew. “Here’s good, but sitting, not so much. I’m ready to lie down.”



That left Leroy and Presley. The most amusing part to me? It was Travis who couldn’t sit and stay. He was hopping up and down. He and Presley are a perfect match.

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 109"

This week the challenge theme was courage. The tasks were a test of not just the dogs’ courage, but their people’s as well.

We started with the dog bone challenge, in which a 9000 pound elephant approached each dog individually. The dogs were required to sit, stay, and leave a banana for the elephant to retrieve.



A four and a half ton African elephant stopping within twenty feet of a dog, shaking its head and trumpeting? Is it any surprise that only two dogs – Andrew, the Maltese and Presley the 18 month old Boxer – sat and stayed?



I have a theory. Andrew used his one defense mechanism; I’ve mentioned it before. He sat with his head up, looking at the elephant, and making puppy dog eyes that clearly said, “I am tiny and white and cute, and my tiny white cuteness is all I’ve got. Surely I’m not even worth your time as a snack. By the way, have you noticed in your trumpeting and nine thousand poundness how tiny and white and cute I am?”

As for Presley, well, he just doesn’t understand the word danger (along with a lot of other words).

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 108"

Everyone at the Canine Academy seemed stressed out this week. The competition is getting stiffer. The teams have been away from their families for seven weeks and the tension this causes in the dogs and people makes everyone even more stressed than they were before they started feeling tense because the competition is getting stiffer and being away from their families is rough and...

Bella-Starlet was showing it more than any others. (Beth-Joy has been showing her frazzled nerves and minimal coping skills since day one.) Bella has taken to being more aggressive than usual, nipping at Travis’s hand when he reaches out to touch her, growling at other dogs when they initiate interaction and generally acting like her mom, overwrought and emotional.



Beth-Joy’s response to Bella-Starlet’s emotional sensitivity? She cried and whined to her dog. I’m all for leaning on your dog for the unconditional emotional fulfillment that they can provide. I will even say with no shame that talking to your dog as if they understand the complicated concepts of escrow, cost benefit analysis, Chinese vs. pizza and other life-altering decisions is a healthy way to work through some tough questions. However, when you need to discuss what to do about your dog’s emotional instability, it is probably best that you remain emotionally stable. Dogs don’t understand long-term high-yield low-risk investment strategies. They completely understand stressed and worried.



This week’s dog bone suite challenge came with the deluxe room, the “leg up” in the elimination competition and a phone call home. I have never rooted for Star and Bill so hard before.



The task itself was easy enough. An owner gets in a box. The other owner works with the two dogs, getting one to ring the bell and the other to go up some stairs and dig for a rope that opens the door and releases the second human member of the team.



With standard reality TV brand irony, Lori and Andrew were teamed up with JD and Galaxy. The two humans had a heated discussion in the previous scene about their differing views on dog training. JD uses a dominant/submissive method that doesn’t involve treats or praise. As a result, JD has won a lot of contests and earned his dog the nickname “the robot dog.” She is inarguably well trained and listens not just to JD but to anyone giving appropriate commands.



Lori has espoused her views on being the leader, the alpha, the structure and the one thing in Andrew’s life. “It’s not extra stuff that he wants. I am the one who gives him what he needs to survive.”



I want to take this moment to say that if am not coming down one way or the other regarding the best method of dog training. For starters: my dog might dig to get me out of a box, but only because he likes digging. He loves me, but I’ve never trained him to dig; he came that way.

For another Victoria Stilwell and Wendy Diamond, both well-known names in dog training and rescue, almost came to blows and did come to tears when debating the merits of JD’s method of working with Galaxy. Ms. Stillwell called it “medieval dog training,” to which Wendy Diamond replied, “I completely disagree.” This degenerated into an “I’m right," “No, I’m right," back and forth until Wendy asked, “Do you know everything? Are you the god of dog training?”

Victoria’s response? “Yes, I am.”



Um... yeah, did I mention everyone was a little stressed?

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 107"

This week's episode of "Greatest American Dog" proved something I’ve always suspected: dogs are not smarter than people, but they sure do live better.

Intelligence was the theme, although the way it was displayed was arguable at best. Before we even got to see the dogs prove how smart they were or weren’t, we were treated to the stupidity of humans, as evidenced by what we’ll do when attracted to someone.

There was some serious flirting going on between Laura and Travis, mostly done through interaction not with each other, but with each other's dogs. Laura acted like she pretty much wanted to eat Travis' boxer Presley up with a spoon, and Travis thought nothing looked cuter than Laura's mohawked Pomeranian Preston piling with his buddy Presley. This is good news for Travis because, as Laura pointed out, “When it comes to relationships, finding a dog-lover is absolutely... the most important thing.”



Or, in Travis' words: "I find myself to be more attracted to women who take a liking to Presley."
Could they be any cuter? Well, maybe.

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 106"

Apparently dancing with dogs is an exercise that fascinates the judges, because a group dance was the challenge in the first episode, and this week, individual dance routines were the elimination task. Before they got to the dancing, though, there was the Dog Bone Suite competition, which was a coordination challenge involving mud and a balance beam.

Bill and Star were the first to actually make it over the balance beam that straddled the muddy pit below. Star almost fell, but as Bill said, “I saw her eyes and I knew there was no way she was gonna let me down.” She didn’t. She made it across to get her cookie in 16 seconds.

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 105"

You hear it all the time: "But he’s got a really great personality!" While it may not be the deciding factor in blind dates, it actually is what separates the good dogs from the great, and it was also the theme of this week’s challenges.

But before the challenges could even begin, we got to see more of Brandy’s personality as she pouted and whined through a jealous snit over Travis and Laura’s cooking dinner together. Even the dogs were embarrassed for her, and they walk around naked and lick their own butts.

The differences in how the people care for their dogs also said something about their personalities. Bella Starlet gets a special bowl of food with measured doses of nutrients and vitamins, powders and droplets of this and that added. Tillman eats kibble and likes it.



So the Dog Bone Suite contest had the dog’s people proving how well they knew their companions by saying if the dog would “take” (eat, lick or retrieve) and item, or “leave" it.

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 104"

The third challenge of CBS' Greatest American Dog has "teamwork" as its theme. Which in reality-TV speak means drama, and we got that, too.

We start where we left off, with Bella Starlet’s person, Beth-Joy, continuing to argue that there’s nothing wrong with dressing Bella up.

Lori pointed out that topknots on a Maltese are not the same as a ruffled dress.



Beth-Joy disagreed vehemently and stormed off. Lori summed it up for me when she told David and Elvis, “I’m going to stop pretending that people are not psychotic.”

The theme for the week was teamwork. Good thing this isn’t Greatest American Cat.

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 103"

This week, in a basic obedience bootcamp showdown, Presley won the dog bone suite and let his person Travis bring the people for the party they threw.

In a complete reversal of last week’s domination, JD and Galaxy ended up in the doghouse. I don’t think Galaxy noticed. Elvis, who was in the doghouse the week before, might not have noticed either, but his owner definitely did. They're not the rustic types.

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 102"

I love reality TV. I love dogs. So it’s no surprise I was all over the new reality competition series The Greatest American Dog, which debuted last Thursday night on CBS, and airs every Thursday night at 9 PM ET/PT.

Elan and Kenji

The first episode begins, as all good reality television does, with interviews of the cocky contestants, who all have one thing in common: they love dogs. Well, they all love their dogs, and like most dog owners, and parents in general, each contestant seems to be convinced that everyone else is doing it wrong. I couldn’t agree more. They are.


Beth Joy and Bella Starlet

Continue reading "Recap: Greatest American Dog, Episode 101"